One of the usual jokes that I tell most of my Filipino acquaintances is about this guy who, on his drive back home one late night, encounters an old man on a wheelchair at an intersection. At the next light, the old man is there again, looking at him with evil eyes and a twisted smile. Still being there after several lights, the guy becomes so scared he hurriedly speeds up until he gets home. He wearily looks around for any signs of the old man and then starts heading for his door. But then, in the darkness as he nears the door, a cold, sweaty hand grips his shoulder and behind him is the old man on the wheelchair, with eyes so fiery, mouth so slimy with drool and breathing so heavily as he says, “That was awesome, man! Let’s race again sometime!”
This joke sort of backfired on me last Wednesday night.
I teach an all-ladies choir in Ybor City every Wednesday from eight till ten in the evening and last Wednesday was especially wacky because one of my choir members actually came to church on a wheelchair! This is why: Apparently, she lent ‘all’ her money to a friend and the friend paid her back three or four months too late which led to the bankruptcy of her assisted living facility as she could not pay her mortgage. It even complicated she ended up losing her house as well. Now she’s renting one. On top of that, she got caught driving with a driver’s license that expired five years ago. It was automatically and permanently revoked so for the past couple of months, friends have been taking her around. Last Wednesday, she felt embarrassed to ask to be picked up so she opted to take a motorized wheelchair from her defunct business and used it in conjunction with her bus rides.
Anyway, I was talking to my mother on the phone on my way home after rehearsals when I saw my old lady on a wheelchair on the sidewalk. She had wrapped herself in a large trash bag as she held an umbrella over her head because it started to rain. I offered to take her home but she refused. She said she was taking the bus home. Well, I thought if that is what she wanted then okay so I said goodbye to her, much to the dismay of my mom who was still on the phone.
“If I were that old, would you just leave me alone in the street at this hour of the night?” she said. She was absolutely right.
So I decided to at least keep her company while she waited for the bus. I turned around and went back to where the bus stop is only to find her a block further down the road. Why, she had missed the last bus and was actually ‘driving’ home which is five, six or seven miles away! For God’s sake, she was in Ybor City (which is not safe) at past ten in the evening and on a motorized wheelchair!
I stopped her at the nearest parking lot and offered to take her home but again she refused. She said that she is still strong in spite of being past her seventies and that rapists would not hurt her anymore because she is way too old.
“You may be right about not being raped,” I told her, “but people could kill you for your wheelchair!”
I motioned her to get off the wheelchair and tried to drag it into my car. Darn, it was so heavy it wouldn’t even nudge! I asked her to just go back to the church and leave the wheelchair there, but we knew nobody would be there anymore. It might also be stolen if she just left it at the church’s parking lot. Besides, she said it would take another wheelchair to get the other one back the next day!
There was no other option but for her to ‘drive’ home on the damn chair and I had no choice but to follow her in my car. So there she was at the sidewalk with me behind her on the road going less than two miles per hour while my fingers were prepared to dial 911 in case someone tried to ‘rape’ her. Or get the chair!
Of course, I took pictures too! Ha-ha!
What was strange though was her odd cheerfulness all throughout the trip. She even posed in front of the camera at times!
“Just know,” she said, “that I am not poor. I just don’t have a license,” and she was smiling and laughing while persistently urging me to just go home because she will be alright.
“I am taking you home,” I said, “and I’m not going anywhere until you get to your door.”
Along the way, the joke about the old man on a wheelchair crossed my mind. That or this, I just didn’t know which one was the joke! It took one and a half hours to get to her house but this night will stay in my memory for a lifetime! In fairness, she did thank me for taking her home and making sure she’s safe, but she added that I was too hard-headed not to go home when she told me to.
“Don’t do it again,” she remarked.
I said, “No, YOU don’t do this again!”
“I know,” she accepted. “This was a stupid idea.”
Oh hell it was!!! I should have kicked her ass all the way to her doorstep!
Cora, her name, sang in church last Sunday. This time she had asked a friend to give her a ride. She has been excitedly telling the other choir members what happened and what an angel I was for doing what I did. I just told them I was an unnecessary angel for an unnecessary need because what she did was just stupid in the first place.
In retrospect, I couldn’t help but wonder how she could even smile knowing that a friend took advantage of her, she doesn’t have a job anymore, no house or even a license to drive a car. How could she still be happy amidst all these while I’d be depressed for days over trivial arguments? Will I be in the same boat when I’m seventy? Will someone watch over me when I ‘drive’ my wheelchair? Will someone be there at all? Will I still be here?
Nhick Ramiro Pacis
07.22.08
www.nhick.com